Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Randomize
