If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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