i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
