my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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