I think im going to throw up on grandma
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
