apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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