Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
