just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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