All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
