I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
