dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
