I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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