im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
