I think scott just propositioned me for sex
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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