Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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