Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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