When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
