I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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