So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
