I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
