It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
