I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
