drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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