Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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