'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
