the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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