Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
