Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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