In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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