i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
