Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
