Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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