my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Send help, water and tortillas.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
