It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
