oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
