saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
