I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
