Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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