we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
