3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
