I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
