Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
