This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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