You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
