I swear she didn't look like that last week.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
