My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
