I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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