I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
