So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
