I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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