Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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