I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Randomize