Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize