Someone shit on the floor
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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