I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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