Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
