I am puke
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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