After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
