i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I'm really busy with my period
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