Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
