those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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