You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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