I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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