For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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