it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I want a musical about memes.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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