I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
