yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
