Your face is a jimmy john
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You ate ashes out of my bong
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
