ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
