marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
