Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
