from now on my penis is your penis
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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