Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
