none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
